settling in.

pictures are from the hospital stay.. had to post these up here before they 
were forever lost in digital heaven.

so, i'm still here.
just barely hanging in there with very little sleep.
it's been a while since i've had a newborn in our house (4 years to be exact).
well, it's funny really, the memory does something tricky when you get older.. it deletes any traumatic or troubling memories more than a year old.
well, at least my memory does because i do NOT remember the newborn phase being this difficult.
i'm sure it was, i just don't remember.

 i'm happy to report that Camila is doing wonderfully well.
she is gaining weight and adjusting well to this new world.
i'd like to think i have a big important role in that.. since she's rarely apart from me {for reals..she's either latched on or near me somewhere}.

the BIGGEST adjustment for me as been with my other three kids.
the mom guilt has settled in my heart.

trying to manage 3 kiddos before Camila was born was always a little tricky.

 they each  needed attention and i always made it a point to devote some individual time to the struggles that each child had at the time. 

for my oldest, it was figuring out how to deal with a clingy classmate.

for #2, it was spending extra time reading and working on his reading/language skills.

for #3 it was working on her social manners {she has none} and working with her so that she could understand the concept of obedience and respect.

and now i have to ask myself if i've asked them how school was that day.
yeah, that's bad.
 i recognize that its just temporary and soon enough {once we settle into a routine} things will get better around here.
but i still feed bad for them :(

so tonight, i count my blessings. even though i'm super tired and not at 100%
i'm grateful for :

-a healthy little girl who i just adore. at night, when i just feel like i just can't hang anymore
i look at her and remind myself that i  had wanted her for so long. and now i've got her. so all this... the no sleep, nursing, etc is ALL worth it.

-friends and family that have pretty much fed my family these last 3 weeks. seriously, i don't
think i've cooked one meal. i'm so incredibly blessed by those that surround me.

- my wonderful husband.  friends, i married an awesome guy.



-instagram.  it's what keeps me from nodding off in the middle of the night while nursing. you'll find me online at 11pm, 1am, 3am, 5:30am. #nursingtimes

*****

signing off for now as i hear Camila starting to wake up.
so pretty much my 5 minutes are up :)

she's finally here {Camila Grace}

She is here.

Camila Grace, born on 12/26/2012.

well, at least she held out till the day after Christmas :) 

she's 6 pounds and 15oz of pure sweetness and adorable-ness.

i'll do another post that include more pictures of her post-birth.

for now, i'm pretty much going to do a photo dump of all my pregnancy pictures.

i'm being selfish really.. because this blog serves as my memory bank.. and posting

here gives me an opportunity to organize my pictures and look back one more time

at this special time.

so, if you'll bear with me... 

a little stroll through the last 9 months...

including my 'fruit' picture project. sadly, i was only able to photograph up to 24 weeks (baby was size of an ear of corn)... i wish i had completed it all the way through but life got really busy. but i'm super grateful that i was able to document so much of this pregnancy. i'm grateful that my husband was willing to humor me and 

take my pictures as i requested it (as vain and silly as it sounded).

because, this is it folks. 

no more little ones for me (us).. i finally feel as if our little family is complete.

it's so hard to explain it but that's the truth. does that sound strange? 

and friends, know that i would have labeled these pictures for you if i had any more energy left in this little old 

body of mine. but, alas, i do not. 

i'm running on 3-4 hours of sleep every night and it's taken me about 3 days just to collect and organize these pictures up on here. this little girl is draining me dry.. she's so lucky she's so darn cute!! (wink) :)

{my picture collection from Instagram. some posted on IG, some not posted}

all of these pictures have a special memory attached.

this first picture (red lipstick).. I took right after my 12 week appointment. 

an appointment where i wasn't sure if we were going to hear a little heart beat or not.

i had mentally prepared myself for the worst.

and it is in my weakest and most vulnerable moments that God has chosen to reveal his infinite mercy and love in my life. this was on of those moments.

and 9 months later.. my little reward! :)

once again, thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers throughout this time.

i can't tell you what a blessing your words and comments of encouragement have been to me!

hugs to you all, 

p.s. and what's this about it being 2013 already??  

girls rule.

 

a small little announcement..

it kind of makes it real once it's out there for the entire world to see..



 

 

 

 

 another sweet little girl to add to our family!

we are working on names and probably won't figure it out till the last minute.

 

and can i tell you.. my two little girls were overjoyed at the news of a little girl..

but my little boy? {this little cutie below}

 

 

well, he was just devastated.

 

in his eyes, the world was over and all his dreams were shattered.

poor little boy.. he had visions of finally being able to share a room with a little brother and bunk beds where he would get the top bunk and his little brother would get the bottom bunk.

he even had a name picked out already (Justin. and don't ask me where in the world that came from.

i have NO idea.)

 

{devastated upon hearing the news}

 

i felt so bad for him, i may have promised him a bunk bed with a desk area under it

and i may have promised him that i would talk to my husband about maybe trying

for one more baby in hopes of it being a little boy {for him}.

 

but my husband was very quick to say it wasn't happening.

 

{20 minutes later. still devastated}

 

well, aside from one little boy who is slowly getting used to it,

we are looking forward to having one more girl in our little house.

 

girls rule.

always.

 

 

kickin' it.

and even more exciting stuff happening this week.

it is such a great comfort to feel those little kicks.
to know that our little one is thriving is just such a comfort to this heart of mine.
God is so good, isn't he?

*******

this summer has been crazy busy; so much more so than i had anticipated.

so needless to say, i haven't been able to blog and get online as much and when

i do, i have to be fast about it.

i miss it and hope to be able to get back into a more consistent schedule soon enough.

school starts back up in exactly 21 days {but who's counting right?} and my kids

are looking forward to going back to school.

and wearing their new school clothes.

and using their new pencils and all that good stuff.

this mama will be happy to get back on a normal schedule again,

because this one were on is all over the place.

kind of like this post :)

have a wonderful day!

linking up with Laura at Bits of Splendor.
if you think her link up button is super pretty, you should check out her blog :)

i'm calling 'worry' out.

i don't think i have a 'worrier' type of personality.  

i don't usually stress out about the 'what-if's' in life --

what if my husband got into a fender-bender on the way home from work? what if my kid falls off the swing?  what if someone tried to hijack my car in the middle of the day?

i know that most of everything is not in my control...i can't control what happens to my husband, to my kids

and i can't control what others are going to do.

because ultimately, God  is in control of it all and i'm totally comfortable with that.

{14 weeks - baby is size of a lemon.  pictures taken by my wonderful and talented brother in law who had no clue what i planned to do with a lemon. original idea here }

of course, that doesn't mean i don't prepare for these type of situations.. we have auto, life and medical insurance if something happens to one of us.. and i've taken self defense classes where i've picked up some tricks on how to defend myself in case of an attack.

i have seen what constant worry does to a person - and it's not pretty.

it robs a person of the type of joyful life God intends for us to have.

we have an amazing God who wants to relieve us of that burden.. a God whose shoulders are broad and strong and can handle it all for us. how many times are we told in scripture not to worry, not to be anxious, for He is there?

"6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

so, knowing all this, can somebody please tell me why i am a nervous mess with this pregnancy??

from the moment i found out i was pregnant i started to feel anxious and nervous.  i have ultrasounds with still shots of a beautiful little heartbeat.

and yet for some reason i continue to harbor feelings of anxiety and fear in my heart.

i can't explain it and there is no rhyme or reason to it. it's not like i haven't done this before..

believe me.. i've been on this carnival ride before {3 previous times} and have been blessed with peaceful pregnancies.

so what gives?

it's time for some self-reflection...

is it ok to worry?

does it mean my faith is not as strong as i thought it was?

"10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." - Ephesians 6:10-11

i have found a chink in my armor and am working on repairing it - with prayer and with positive thoughts.

i will lean on Him and rest assured that His plans are bigger, better and so much grander than my own.

and let me tell you something.. just writing it out here.. for all to see.. brings me all kinds of comfort.

because when the fear is voiced out loud, it loses its power.

worry and anxiety - you joy-robbers - i denounce you.

begone from this heart of mine.

you are not wanted here.