settling in.

pictures are from the hospital stay.. had to post these up here before they 
were forever lost in digital heaven.

so, i'm still here.
just barely hanging in there with very little sleep.
it's been a while since i've had a newborn in our house (4 years to be exact).
well, it's funny really, the memory does something tricky when you get older.. it deletes any traumatic or troubling memories more than a year old.
well, at least my memory does because i do NOT remember the newborn phase being this difficult.
i'm sure it was, i just don't remember.

 i'm happy to report that Camila is doing wonderfully well.
she is gaining weight and adjusting well to this new world.
i'd like to think i have a big important role in that.. since she's rarely apart from me {for reals..she's either latched on or near me somewhere}.

the BIGGEST adjustment for me as been with my other three kids.
the mom guilt has settled in my heart.

trying to manage 3 kiddos before Camila was born was always a little tricky.

 they each  needed attention and i always made it a point to devote some individual time to the struggles that each child had at the time. 

for my oldest, it was figuring out how to deal with a clingy classmate.

for #2, it was spending extra time reading and working on his reading/language skills.

for #3 it was working on her social manners {she has none} and working with her so that she could understand the concept of obedience and respect.

and now i have to ask myself if i've asked them how school was that day.
yeah, that's bad.
 i recognize that its just temporary and soon enough {once we settle into a routine} things will get better around here.
but i still feed bad for them :(

so tonight, i count my blessings. even though i'm super tired and not at 100%
i'm grateful for :

-a healthy little girl who i just adore. at night, when i just feel like i just can't hang anymore
i look at her and remind myself that i  had wanted her for so long. and now i've got her. so all this... the no sleep, nursing, etc is ALL worth it.

-friends and family that have pretty much fed my family these last 3 weeks. seriously, i don't
think i've cooked one meal. i'm so incredibly blessed by those that surround me.

- my wonderful husband.  friends, i married an awesome guy.



-instagram.  it's what keeps me from nodding off in the middle of the night while nursing. you'll find me online at 11pm, 1am, 3am, 5:30am. #nursingtimes

*****

signing off for now as i hear Camila starting to wake up.
so pretty much my 5 minutes are up :)