Monday, September 17, 2012

this week. and how i almost walked out with my kids.

it's monday night and i'm actually sitting by myself  at panera writing this post.
by myself.
i've done some of my bible study, updated my journal and had some time to write.

i have to be quick because the college girls at the next table are going to start
talking about their professor and i feel like i really need to listen to that conversation.
{i don't consider it at all being nosy.. because, hey, if they're talking loud enough well
i can't help but listen right? and it reminds me of my college days when i complained about the same

oh wait, where are my 3 kiddos you ask?
my husband is at home with them and tonight is my 'night off'.
you see, we have a little agreement set up between us.
he gets to golf on his days off and i get free time at Panera... but personally, i think i've got the better
end of the deal.. because i get to eat broccoli cheddar soup and that alone is worth it.

this week is going to be pretty mellow i think.

i  have a small birthday dinner for one of my best friends.
we are meeting up at olive garden.. and because i'm always thinking about food,
i can tell you that i already know what i'm going to order.
yep, clear the table. the pregnant woman is in the restaurant
i am still working on my Beth Moore bible study (James) and i'm almost finished with it.
i've started another bible study {through Community Bible Study.. if you've never heard
of it check it out. it's awesome. it's changed my life} and we are studying the book of Job.

can i tell you something though?
between James and Job and all that in between i'm feeling slightly overwhelmed.
is there such a thing as spiritual burn out?
if so, then i may be at the beginning stages of it.
when i'm doing a study it literally takes me about an 30min to get through one page.
i highlight and underline,
and copy into my personal journal and think about it
and look it up
and then if it's really earth-shattering (which is like every other sentence), i send it to my sister via text message.
i've got to figure out a good reading system.. pronto.

my children started awanas a couple of weeks ago (children's bible year long bible study/group).
i've never attended awanas before (as a child) and my children have never attended either.
this is our first year and i will tell you right now.. i was downright nervous for them.
we are new at all this {this church and awanas} and i didn't want them to feel lonely.

there was a point at which i almost grabbed my 2 oldest by their hands and walked them out of there.
i was so scared for them.. that they wouldn't make any friends, that they would be lonely,
that they would be separated, that they wouldn't like it.

my darling 8 year old stood there alone, not talking to anyone (even though there were
kids next her) as the worship team was starting to worship. she looked so small and out of place...

i stood at the back of the sanctuary and i watched her stand there and
whispered a silent plea to Him;

please, please dear God, let this be right for them.
and if it's not, then show me.
but i think they need this.. they need more than i can give them.
please let this work.

i didn't know what else to say because that was all i could say to Him at that moment.

i walked out of there with tears in my eyes, hopeful and scared of what I would find
when i picked them up.
i left and met up with some friends for a birthday dinner {which was so needed for my frazzled nerves} and discreetly watched the clock.

i went to their classes and encountered happy smiling faces.
they loved it.
they really really loved it!
(i almost broke out in song and dance at that point but
i was afraid of my water breaking).
praise the Lord.
and it all sounds so silly as I type this out.
i can't shelter my kids..i know that.
but i'm exposing them to something big..bigger than what I can comprehend.

this, along with what i teach them, will be the cornerstone of their faith.
and that's BIG.
that's something to worry about..
but once again, God very clearly showed me that He's got it all under control and
why, why, oh why would I ever doubt Him?
"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." -Psalm 94:19

thank you for hearing me ramble about this.
you all are so good to me!

and now, excuse me, while i try very hard to ignore (but not really) the conversation going on next to me.

have a wonderful week!



Kelly said...

Don't you just love it when that happens. I'm so thankful that He has it under control could you imagine if we tried? That would be a mess. Ha.
SO what did the college girls say? lol

Katie Cook said...

What a sweet mama you are lovely:) But isn't it AMAZING how we truly can trust God with situations, and allow him to move and work, instead of trying to take control. Thanks for encouraging me today:) much love, Katie

Kayla Peveler said...

Your blog is so adorable, I love it! Love your love for God, and your posts are inspiring.

-Kayla (new follower)

ginanorma said...

i think that is GOLDEN that you and your hubby take turns going out and getting time to each of yourselves. so so good and vital! love that you go to panera,(ever go anywhere else)? and do your own thing!

I think there is such a thing as being spiritually exhausted. I think i've read Oswald Chambers write about it--I will look and see if I can find it for you--just make sure you take rests and take care of YOU, because even Jesus couldn't handle everyone at once.